One of New Zealand’s most promising Olympians has lifted the lid on a struggle she kept secret through the Tokyo Games.
Weightlifter Kanah Andrews-Nahu, 21, has enjoyed a meteoric rise, smashing more records than she can count, but behind closed doors it's a very different story.
“2020 is where I feel like I lost my love for weightlifting,” Andrews-Nahu told 1News.
Andrews-Nahu made a photo album to remind herself of the good times in Tokyo, but well before the delayed Games finally arrived she was emotionally drained.
The politics of qualifying, a pandemic which made her think about trying something else, injuries, being out of shape and the weight of expectation all took their toll, she said.
“Nineteen years old, I'm trying to do my degree, I'm trying to be an athlete and the two things I'm trying to do, it's like 'no you can't do that right now',” she said.
“I'm like, ‘what am I? Who am I’?”
Andrews-Nahu said the thoughts made her feel like she wasn’t an Olympian.
“I should feel enough motivation in that to push all of my bad feelings to the side, to be like, 'nah, I'm going out there and I'm going to give it the best I can,' but in all honesty, I couldn't.
“I don't feel like anyone could truly understand how I felt unless you were in my shoes.”
The Youth Olympics bronze medallist finished last in Tokyo then on Saturday she was beaten on home soil, failing to qualify for this year's Commonwealth Games.
She sat in her car crying afterwards but decided in that moment to slow things down after eight whirlwind years with over 200 national records broken since she was just 13 years old.
“The best piece of advice that I could give to another athlete would be to acknowledge the way that you feel because the more you suppress it, it doesn't do anyone any good,” she said.
“I just felt this sense of relief because it's like I finally get a chance to like really focus on myself and being the student that I want to be and being the athlete that I want to be without the pressure of [qualifying for the Commonwealth Games].”
With other young athletes recently admitting to similar struggles, her message is it's OK to put yourself first.
“I just want growth in my life, whether that be outside of weightlifting or in weightlifting so either way I'll be happy.”
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