A woman who claims she was abused by her former teacher when she was just eight years old is devastated she won't get a chance to have her story heard in court.
Every step the woman, who can not be named for legal reasons , takes in her home suburb on Auckland's North Shore comes with a risk that she'll come face to face with the man she says took her childhood innocence.
Former teacher and principal Graeme Collett, 85, still lives in the same suburb as her.
"If a child can get depressed, I got depressed - life turned from yellow to black," said the woman in reference to the year she alleges the abuse took place more than 50 years ago.
"The devastating thing is I buried it. All I thought [at the time was] my parents must know, please somebody help me."
The memories had stayed buried for decades until one day, she heard a voice.
"My son was walking past his house eating an ice cream. A voice came down the long driveway. I thought that's this person... the hairs on my back rose."
Her memories triggered and she paid a visit to police in 1995, hoping to have charges laid, but was told it would be her word against his.
"I looked at my young child... I thought if we went to trial and a jury said not guilty, unfortunately I do not think I'd be able to continue living."
Detective Inspector John Sutton acknowledged there could have been scope for officers back then to make further inquiries.
"We acknowledge this is frustrating for the victim and we have been in further contact with her to discuss this directly. This is disappointing for police as our processes around reporting sexual assault have drastically improved over the last 16 years."
She tried again in 2019. Four more complainants came forward, leading to police laying five charges of indecency with girls under 12 against him.
Collett, who denies any wrongdoing, was due to stand trial on all five charges later this month.
Court documents showed the consistency of the evidence of all five witnesses "adds to the evidential strength" and was supported by an independent witness who alleges she caught Collett in the act with her own daughter.
Their stories were due to be told in full at the trial. But in a decision released ahead of the trial, Judge Nevin Dawson ruled the former teacher's medical condition would make it impossible for him to receive a fair trial.
"The defendant could not cope with the stress of a two-week trial and it would be life-threatening to him," Judge Dawson said.
Collett's lawyer today said as the court has dealt with the matter, there would be no further comment to make.
The woman said the decision is devastating for herself and the other victims.
"It's basically like we've been silenced."
While her legal battle has reached its end, she's urging others to speak out with their own stories before it's too late.
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