How to stop blowing your money on spontaneous online purchases

You didn't mean to go shopping so how, with nothing more than a twitch of your thumb, did you manage to drop all that cash? Frances Cook on the "dark patterns" of online commerce and how you can protect yourself.

You weren't planning to buy anything. Then you were scrolling, and now there's something in your cart.

This happens to most of us and the problem isn't necessarily that we’re bad with money. The problem is that spending has never been easier, or more engineered.

New research from global fintech Revolut and YouGov puts numbers on what most of us already feel. Sixty-one percent of Kiwis make regular purchases triggered by social media ads, with nearly a third spending between $25 and $499 a month that way.

More than half of Gen Z Kiwis say social media ads have blown their budget entirely.

It's easy to read that and think: put the phone down, problem solved. But that's the wrong diagnosis. Social media is one front in a much bigger war for your wallet.

The people managing to fight back aren’t doing it through willpower. They've just figured out how the system works. You're not weak so much as a victim of very clever engineering.

Chris Schulz is an investigative journalist at Consumer NZ who has spent years documenting “dark patterns”. They’re legal but manipulative tactics built into modern online shopping.

Countdown timers on checkout pages. Cancellation buttons buried under six screens of "are you sure?" Pre-ticked boxes that add extras to your cart before you've noticed.

"It's kind of like, if you walked into a store to buy a white T-shirt," he says. "Then behind you, they'd put in all of these obstacles for you to get through before you could leave."

That's online shopping now, and social media makes it worse.

The Revolut research found 44% of Gen Z New Zealanders often regret purchases made after seeing social media ads.

They bought it. Then realised they didn't want it. Because online retail is designed to make the purchase easy, and saying no, much harder.

One simple way to avoid these mistakes is to avoid the tired scroll on the couch in the evenings.

Schulz says dark patterns work best when you’re tired, rushed, or emotionally flat. That’s when you end up chucking things in the cart for a quick hit of dopamine, and because saying no just feels too hard.

Meanwhile, for anything that has a pressure tactics, such as flash sales, a timer, or even auction sites such as TradeMe, set yourself a price limit before you start.

By setting that limit before you get emotionally invested, you ensure the clock doesn’t make the decision for you.

The Revolut data shows clothing and fashion is the biggest overspending category for New Zealanders – clocking in at 29% of the overspend.

That was one category that also ensnared Emma Healey, at a time when she sunk into $30,000 of debt. Handbags, and anything to do with clothing, used to be a trap she fell into time and again.

She now blogs at mumsmoney.co.nz, about how she paid off that debt, started investing, and reached financial independence early enough to go travelling for a year with her family.

Her starting point wasn’t a dramatic overhaul. It was just looking at where money was quietly disappearing, but giving her nothing in return.

"Everyone has money leaks," she says. Subscriptions you forgot you had. Bills you've never questioned.

A lot of that can either be cancelled, or renegotiated for a lower rate.

Her advice is to first write out everything you're paying for. Rank which ones matter to you. Then target the ones that are taking up the most money, but mean the least to you.

"It starts a chain reaction," she says. Once you cut one thing, you start seeing others.

The audit isn't the whole answer. But nothing else works until you do it.

The Revolut research highlights another interesting point.

The top overspending categories are clothing and fashion, electronics, and skincare.

They’re things that feel good in the moment, photograph well, and feed the emotional parts of us that are vulnerable to impulse purchases.

The lesson? Of course we want a hit of something that makes us feel good. So let’s be smarter about ensuring our money is actually doing that, without the emotional hangover of regret.

Healey doesn't spend on clothes anymore, and also says cars do nothing for her. She’s worked out those things don’t actually bring her happiness, so she’s cut those expense categories completely.

But she does enjoy travel and good food, so spends in those areas at a slower rate, and intentionally, in order to get a happiness hit that lasts longer.

Chartered accountant Bronwyn Candish, who specialises in helping people reach financial independence, works with clients to do the same thing.

Find ways to spend slower, on what you actually value, rather than giving in to impulse purchases.

"It's not about deprivation," Candish says. "It's about being intentional."

Candish says it’s not about cutting everything, but getting clear on what you care about.

Her own turning point was realising she'd been spending on autopilot. She used to go out for brunch every Sunday without thinking about it, but got to the point where she'd sit there grumbling about the food, and taking the experience for granted.

"Listen to you complaining about this beautiful $26 avocado on toast," she tells herself now. "Go home and make your own."

Now when she goes out, it's a big deal. Which means it’s not about stopping the spending, but shifting to enjoy things more by being more selective about them.

With clients, she’ll often suggest a simple tactic to force that same clarity: a no-spend month.

Spending on groceries and utilities only, nothing else.

"I didn't realise how much headspace was taken up with 'will I get a coffee today, will I buy this' until the answer was always no," she says. "And all of a sudden you don't have to think about that anymore."

The mental quiet that comes with it, she says, is worth as much as the money saved.

Once spending is intentional, the next step is making sure it stays that way, automatically. Bronwyn's rule is 20% knowledge, 80% automation.

She pays herself a regular salary from her business, splits it into different bank accounts for different purposes on pay day, and sends a chunk straight to investments before she can think about it.

"The first time people hear this stuff they're a bit overwhelmed," Bronwyn says. "The second time it becomes a bit of a game. The third time they come back excited, with wins to share."

The first win is the hardest. After that, it gets addictive.