Did you avoid most of the election campaign?
Some might say that was a wise choice. But it’s election day tomorrow and many people will be talking about little else.
So, here’s a cheat sheet of phrases you can trot out while you watch the election results roll in tomorrow night. With some confident delivery, you might sound like you half know what you’re talking about.
Herald the return of MMP
After the red wave of Labour in 2020, this election will almost certainly return New Zealand to the days of coalition governments.
So, demonstrate your knowledge of the MMP system with a cheeky: “Well, it’s not going to be about the major parties tonight – it’s the minor parties who are going to decide who’s in power.”
Talk about the special votes
Tomorrow night is all about preliminary results, but feel free to chuck in a few references about the special votes, which will be included in the official results later this month.
“Of course, we won’t know the full picture until the special votes are in.”
“The Greens often do well out of the special votes, you know.” For bonus points, you could add in a few references to their record polling.
Maybe avoid any references to the by-election that is already taking place next month.
It involves more MPs than usual being in the next parliament and could potentially take you into things like “overhang seat” territory, which is an absolute minefield for any political newb.
Throw in a few highlights (or otherwise) from the election campaign
If you want a few campaign highlights to sprinkle around, feel free to pepper some of these into conversations:
“Did you hear Christopher Luxon only spends $60 a week on groceries?”
“Where do you think serial heckler Karl Mokaraka will pop up tonight?”
“Did you know political figures in New Zealand keep getting hit by lightning?”
From milking goats to go-kart racing, the lead-up to the election found politicians in some interesting situations. (Source: 1News)
I would love to offer more, but it’s been a relatively highlight-free campaign this time around.
Cram in a few cliches
Politics is awash with tired phrases, so memorise a few of these, too:
“It’s all going to come down to voter turnout.” You could add in a comment about how sluggish advance voting has been this year compared to 2020, to really make yourself sound election-savvy.
“It’s a marathon, not a sprint.” Although advance vote results will drop fairly soon after 7pm, so maybe trot this one out early in the night.
“It is what it is.” A phrase that works in all instances. A safe choice.
If you’re really in a panic, there is the old “My prediction is a Chris will win” to fall back on, too.
And if all else fails, just talk about Winston
Polls suggest several of the parties will be deploying the same tactic after the votes are in tomorrow night, so you may as well, too.
“Hope Christopher Luxon’s got Winston on speed dial!”
“All roads lead to Winston Peters.”
“As they say, never count out Winston Peters.” (Except when you can.)
“Gosh, Winston’s the kingmaker again? What is this? 1996?”
“Gosh, Winston’s the kingmaker again? What is this? 2017?”
Adjust those last two depending on your own age.
Then dust off your rugby cheat sheet for the All Blacks’ World Cup quarter-final the next morning.
The 1News Your Vote 23 Election Night Special will air from 7pm on TVNZ 1, TVNZ+, 1news.co.nz and across 1News social channels. 1news.co.nz will also have live election results throughout the night, allowing viewers to track the national picture and the outcome in their electorate as it happens.
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