If you have food or body image issues, the upcoming 'fun' time of year can be one of the most high pressure. Counsellor Nicole Gaviria shares four expert tips for getting through unscathed, and maybe even enjoying yourself.
The silly season isn't relaxing for all of us. For some, there's a sense of impending doom as we count down to sitting across the table from Aunty Doris, you know, the one who always has something to say about your body, what you're eating, or the new diet she's just started.
Then there’s the pressure of togs at the beach. You haven’t worn them in a year. You’re convinced they won’t fit, and you don’t want to deal with the fallout of that confirmation. There are the sculpted bodies you’ll find yourself comparing against, and the sideways looks you’re bracing for as you put up your umbrella, certain everyone else is watching and judging too. Excess food and treats are everywhere, tempting you off whatever diet you’re attempting in the name of a “beach body”. And finally, there are the looming New Year’s resolutions, the hunt for the right plan, the right intention, the right wellbeing hack to finally kick the year off properly.
When I was in the thick of it with food and my body, what I remember most is being at the beach in long sleeves and trousers, because togs felt too exposing. I’d choose to suffer in the heat in my cover-ups, telling myself it was about being sun-safe, when really I was just trying to hide. Sitting at family dinners, bracing for a comment about my body or my plate. Being told about some fabulous new diet I really ought to try. At the office, a “New Year, New You” group kicking off among the women I worked with, and the question of whether I was going to join in.
I'm now a registered counsellor. I specialise in binge eating, emotional eating and body image recovery, and I've supported hundreds of women across Aotearoa and the globe through this exact stretch of the year. Here's what I tell them, and what I'd tell you too.
1. How to handle 'those' comments
The holiday season has a way of bringing out commentary nobody asked for. An aunty eyeing up your second helping. Someone announcing the fool-proof new diet they've started, wondering aloud why you haven't tried it yet. A table full of unsolicited opinions about your food and your body, dressed up as concern.
Most of it isn't really about you. People who comment on bodies and plates are usually working through their own struggles albeit out loud, at your expense.
If you've got a repeat offender in your family, a tool I teach my clients for shutting down diet talk is DEAR MAN:
● Describe the situation calmly
● Express how it makes you feel
● Assert what you need
● Reinforce the positive outcome of that need being met
● Maintain your position, even if they push back
● Appear confident
● Negotiate where you can, without compromising your own wellbeing
In practice, it might sound like: “When you comment on what I’m eating, it makes it hard to enjoy the meal. I’d love it if we could just talk about something else today.” You don’t owe anyone an explanation beyond that, and you’re allowed to hold the line even if they try to push past it.
It doesn’t have to be this detailed either. Sometimes a simple “I don’t enjoy talking about food or my body” and a change of subject does the job just as well. How much you explain depends on who you’re talking to, how safe the relationship feels, and what you’ve got the capacity for. You’re the judge of that.
2. How to get to the beach in the body you have now
This is the one I hear about most. The fear of being in togs. Of being seen. Of confirming that the togs you loved last year don't sit the same way this year. Fear of judgement, of comparing yourself to other bodies on the sand, of spiralling into the thoughts that follow.
Here's what I always come back to with my clients: you don't have to love your body to let it take you to the beach. Your body is the vessel that gets you to the experiences that actually matter, time with your kids, your partner, your friends, a summer you only get to live through once. We don't want to be the parent who says no to being in the photo, who sits out of the sandcastle building because of how they feel about their tummy in that moment. Your kids aren't going to remember what your body looked like. They're going to remember that you were there, and the fun you had together. You're not going to care about the roll that showed when you bent down to build that sandcastle. They definitely won't either.
That doesn't mean forcing yourself into your togs and gritting your teeth through it. If a sarong or baggy shirt over the top is what gets you to the beach this year, that's a great start. Think of it as practice. You can keep working on your relationship with your body through the year, so that next summer, maybe you don't feel like you need to cover up.
There's a pattern worth knowing about called the cycle of avoidance. If you're anxious about being seen and you choose not to go, you get instant relief. But the longer-term cost is real too, missing out, your family missing out, and never gathering the evidence that would prove your anxious brain wrong, that you could show up in your current body and actually have a good time. Skip it every time, and that belief only gets stronger. Showing up, even in a sarong, even while uncomfortable, is how you start to break that cycle.
3. How to stop fearing the left-over pav
The holidays turn most kitchens into a never-ending spread. Leftover ham, a tin of shortbread that reappears every time you open the pantry, chocolates in a bowl on the coffee table that somehow need to be gone within three days, because the New Year's cleanse is coming. For anyone with a history of restriction or bingeing, that kind of abundance can feel like a real threat.
A lot of that urge to eat it all comes from a scarcity mindset, or an old clean-plate rule, or a fear of wasting food. Worth remembering: if you're eating past fullness, not really tasting it, not actually hungry, that's essentially the same as wasting the food anyway. It's just happening inside your body instead of in the bin.
Instead of eating it all so it doesn't go to waste, ask what could go in the freezer, what would store well, what you could take to work or share with a friend. And remember, most of the foods we love over the holidays are allowed at other times of year too. You don't have to eat the entire pavlova because it only shows up once a year. Give yourself permission to have it other times, and it stops sitting up on a pedestal every December.
Overeating over the holidays is also normal. Nothing to feel guilty or ashamed about, we all do it. It's a short stretch of the year built around shared food and connection, and that's allowed. Have compassion for yourself, listen to your body, and let yourself enjoy the variety on offer. If you're uncomfortably full, that's your cue to stop, not a reason to spiral.
4. How to make resolutions that actually stick
There's a particular kind of self-loathing that kicks in around mid-January, when the detox or the strict new plan has already fallen apart. That feeling is incredibly predictable once you understand where it comes from. Most resolutions are built as a long list of everything you're taking away, right after weeks of festive overindulgence. A body coming off that is primed to rebel against a sudden crackdown.
A gentler approach is to add rather than subtract. Instead of asking what you need to cut out, ask what you could add in. Start small enough that it's easy, then build from there, a strategy called habit stacking. Starting with two walks a week rather than a daily non-negotiable. A glass of water before work each morning rather than an overnight commitment to two litres a day. Give yourself those easy wins, and let the motivation follow.
It's a common myth that motivation has to come first. In reality, motivation tends to follow action, not lead it. You start small, you see a bit of progress, have a sense of reward and a nice spike of dopamine, and that's what builds momentum to keep going.
What it's really about
Underneath the comments, the togs, the pantry and the resolutions, the holidays are meant to be about something much simpler: gathering with the people you love. Food has always been part of how humans do that, long before diet culture turned it into a minefield. Sharing a meal is one of the oldest ways we say I love you, I'm glad you're here, let's be together.
If you can hold onto that this year, the rest tends to matter a little less. You don't need a smaller body, a better swimsuit, or a January detox to be allowed to enjoy any of it. You're already worthy, exactly as you are.
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