How friendly is too friendly? CEO stresses the value of workplace boundaries

Workplaces have become more casual in recent years but it's still possible to be far too loose for your own good at work. CEO and management expert Gabrielle Cutfield shares five tips for building and maintaining clear boundaries.

Modern workplaces don’t look anything like the offices your mum or dad went to each day – or even the ones you might have started out in yourself a decade or three ago. These days rigid hierarchies, formal dress codes, and strict work-life boundaries rarely apply.

Instead, it’s likely your workplace embraces flexible hours, hybrid working arrangements, informal language – and jeans.

This shift towards informality brings benefits. Employees feel more comfortable expressing themselves and that’s often where creativity flourishes. The traditional barriers between management and staff are breaking down in positive ways.

However, as someone who has spent many years helping organisations navigate workplace dynamics, I've witnessed firsthand what happens when “we like to keep things casual around here” goes too far.

It’s my job to help businesses create a productive, healthy workplace culture, and help managers find that sweet spot between being approachability and respect.

When boundaries dissolve completely all kinds of mess can ensue. Not only are day-to-day interactions blurrier, but organisations face increased risks of harassment accusations and leadership credibility issues that can cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to resolve.

Here are my top tips for workplace professionals navigating this tricky space.

We all want to be liked, but in a workplace, being respected is more important.

If we want to progress and we work hard to do so, eventually we may transition from colleague to leader. And that shift means we also need to create and maintain professional distance – the earlier the better. It’s a critical boundary to set, but as thinking and feeling humans, it’s actually one of the hardest.

I've seen many new managers struggle because they want to remain "one of the team”. But when these same leaders need to address performance issues or inappropriate behaviour, challenges crop up, and fast. If you've positioned yourself as a friend, it becomes incredibly difficult to switch into disciplinary mode.

My advice? Don’t be the one at the work party cranking up the karaoke machine after midnight.

I always tell my new leaders they need to set an alarm on their phone, buy one last round of drinks and get out of there – because no-one respects a senior leader that's out with the team until four in the morning.

This doesn't mean you can't be supportive or fun. It just means recognising that leadership requires a deliberate transition.

So many people meet their partners at work – that’s just the reality – but there are some lines that can’t be crossed.

While implementing blanket policies against relationships is both unrealistic and potentially punitive, when workplace relationships do develop, they require management. The key is having honest conversations with both parties about expectations and limitations.

As a leader, sit down with the colleagues in question, individually. Firstly, acknowledge the elephant in the room. Ask them to be mindful of colleagues and of any power imbalance. The stakes are dangerously high when a manager is dating someone on their team, even when the relationship is fully consensual – make them aware of it.

Set ground rules – no public displays of affection around the office, for example. Ensure that anyone in a position of authority over their partner removes themselves from performance reviews, restructuring decisions, and disciplinary processes.

A lot of people refer to their “work wife” or “work husband”, meaning the person they see every day and have come to rely on and confide in. The concept might seem harmless, but these exclusive relationships can create significant problems within teams. When two colleagues become inseparable, constantly disappearing for private gossip sessions and lunches out, it creates micro-cultures that exclude others.

From a leadership perspective, work spouses present confidentiality risks. When you tell each other everything, it’s assumed that confidential information will also be shared, which erodes trust and can limit career progression. If you're known as part of an inseparable duo, you might not be the first choice for leadership roles or growth opportunities. Your professional brand becomes tied to another person rather than standing on its own merits.

Whenever a leader says they want their staff to be able to “bring their whole selves to work”, I die a little inside. While authenticity is fantastic in professional settings, there are limits – and emotional regulation is a critical professional skill that should not be underestimated.

Crying at work occasionally is human and understandable during genuinely overwhelming circumstances. However, being known as "the crier" can damage your professional reputation and limit opportunities.

Practice voicing how you feel without the tears, expressing overwhelm or vulnerability clearly, and maintaining composure under pressure.

The same goes for other extreme emotions: anger, frustration, low moods. You might have these, but learn to manage them (through exercise, sleep, therapy, meditation, journaling – whatever works for you), so that they don’t spill over into your workday.

Even with the best intentions, it happens, and the response matters enormously. If you've crossed a line, own it immediately rather than hoping no one noticed. Simply saying to your boss, “I’ve done something dumb – I need to talk to you about it,” is a good start, and could prevent a minor issue from escalating into formal investigations that are embarrassing and costly for everyone involved.

Be honest, be remorseful, and put it right.

Gabrielle Cutfield is founder and CEO of people and capability organisation Emerging Engines