Innes Logan jointly owns Pasifika publishing company Oceania Media with his wife Anne but, though only in his fifties, he has been diagnosed with young onset Alzheimer’s, a type of dementia. He and Anne describe the impact the condition has on their lives.
Innes
I first started to notice something was wrong about five years ago, in early 2018, but in hindsight the signs were evident before then.
It was the classic thing - I would have something on my mind and knew I wanted to say it, then I would walk through a door and wonder why I was there. Or I would struggle to remember the last thing I had said. It was so frustrating.
Since my diagnosis in early 2020, I feel that in some ways I have improved as I can put my own strategies in place to help myself. The most important thing for me is to keep speaking and keep a tight hold on my confidence.
In my early days at Spasifik magazine I never had to think about it, the words would just come out. But towards the end, which sadly came in 2019, I would be trying to write, and it would just not flow.
This was hugely frustrating for someone who had always appreciated skilful writing. It was my trade and my passion.
I loved writing and felt lucky that it was also my job, so I’d try and keep going. I’d say, "I’ll do this" or "I’ll do that,", but then reality would hit. Basically, I came to realise I wanted to write but when the pressure came on the ability just wasn’t there.
There was also the problem of my other roles as the editor of the magazine. A key one was talking to advertisers. Sometimes I could do it, other times I found it near impossible.
And I’d look at Anne while I was struggling, and that’s when it really hit me. She looks after me so well but there are times when I can see her frustration too, and I don’t know what I can do to help her at times like that. She’s running the business on her own now and supporting me.
Journalist Innes Logan is among the patients seeing the service’s benefits. (Source: 1News)
Do I have hope? Yes, you have to, there’s always hope.
I need to be more sociable, the way I used to be, but these are the cards I have been dealt. I honestly don’t know what I would do without the support of my immediate family and the opportunities I have through Dementia Auckland. The outlook would be grim without them.
Anne
I think we both noticed what was happening around the same time. Other people would laugh it off with an "Oh yeah, I do that, I put things down and can never remember where they are". But it was more than just forgetting where things were put.
I could see the changes at work and if he had a task to do. There was one time he was taking a plumbing part back but first he couldn’t find the place, then when he eventually got there, he couldn’t remember why he was there or what he was asking for. For a while we thought it was just burnout – he’d been working long hours and publishing the magazine was a real slog. But then we went to a doctor who did cognitive tests, such as drawing a clock face, and it was obvious something wasn’t right.
We were referred on to a specialist who quickly ruled out a brain tumour, but the rest of the results took a long time to come back. When they did, the news was terrible. Basically: "Not good, there’s not a lot of brain activity going on there". The next thing we can remember him saying was that it wouldn’t be long before Innes wouldn’t be able to dress himself.
This was a terrible shock, but Innes has always looked for the positives in life. He didn’t get angry or depressed. In fact, he’s probably become even more gentle.
For myself, I am pragmatic. It’s terrible but we just have to get on with it. If I let emotion take over, we’re done for. I know if the roles were reversed Innes would be there for me. You try not to think too far ahead, keep him busy today and tomorrow will deal with tomorrow. But the reality is that tomorrow will not look after itself without intervention and support and the truth is I’m anxious.
We’re not set up financially for early retirement, and this condition is extremely isolating. Innes is well known, liked and respected but no longer has the opportunity to get out, meet people, talk, listen, and tell stories. Losing the ability to write freely is a particularly cruel and difficult thing to accept and live with. He still writes as he's enveloped within a small team of writers we now contract as part of our business. Enablement is key to helping Innes live his best life as he can’t do it alone.
We quickly found there is limited help available for people with early or young onset dementia. Without the Living Well services we access through Dementia Auckland, we would be lost and under significant burden in all sorts of ways. I know without any doubt, Innes would deteriorate quickly.
He is lucky enough to attend a group on a Wednesday of like-minded men and women all with some form of early onset dementia, all with a vibrant past and glimpses of the people they once were and still are underneath. Sadly, there is only one such group in Auckland.
Socialisation, interaction, engagement, and stimulation are so important. I have met people who are home alone while their spouse works – these people go downhill quickly. This is a condition that reaches out and takes the best from people and their families.
The group also gives carers a few hours' respite. But without volunteers and Givealittle page funding, it won’t exist as Dementia Auckland doesn’t have enough money to run it. What then? There’s an urgent need for more – not less – groups to be set up across the city and throughout the country. Age-appropriate care is non-existent.
How to help
Dementia services currently rely on donations to survive.
How to donate: Dementia Auckland
Younger Onset Dementia: Day Programme
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