The parents of a vibrant water polo coach killed by her ex-boyfriend spend every day wondering what they could have done to prevent their daughter's death.
In their grief, they hope Lilie James' legacy will usher in positive change – and an end to "good bloke" narratives.
A senior coroner on Thursday found James' "senseless and violent" death inside her workplace was indicative of the alarming and persistent scourge of gendered and domestic violence in Australia.
The 21-year-old was killed when Paul Thijssen struck her in the head with a hammer at least 25 times inside St Andrew's Cathedral School in Sydney on October 25, 2023.
She had ended their casual relationship five days earlier, prompting Thijssen to stalk her and then plan her murder, an inquest was told.
Hours before he enacted his deadly plan, Thijssen was captured on security footage practising the murder, alternating the hammer between his hands as he lunged forward and pushed open a bathroom door.
The 24-year-old had a history of controlling behaviour towards women but opportunities to address them were missed, the inquest was told.
"Lilie's death is not an isolated tragedy," State Coroner Teresa O'Sullivan said.
"It is part of a devastating pattern of violence against women that demands urgent and sustained action."
'Good blokes' narrative 'disheartening, cruel'
After the inquest findings were handed down, James' father stressed the importance of awareness, education, and speaking out.
"Please, if it's been a while since you talked about violence or abuse against women, whether that's at home, at work or with friends or in the community, please start that conversation," Jamie James said.
He and wife Peta said their daughter's life had been cut "way too short" and they wondered every day what they could have done to prevent it.
Domestic violence experts during the inquest criticised "unhelpful" descriptions of the attack as "out of character" for Thijssen, highlighting his previous pattern of coercive control.
Days after James was killed, Thijssen was remembered as "an absolute delight" by his former principal during a lengthy address to the parents and students of elite all-boys school Shore.
"He was not a monster; rather, in the last five hours of his life, he committed a monstrous act," John Collier wrote in 2023.
James echoed the coroner's recommendation that media do their part to not reinforce unhelpful community stereotypes.
"Please don't report on positive comments saying people are good blokes and delightful," James said.
"It's disheartening and it's cruel."
Peta James had earlier used the inquest to warn parents were setting girls and women up for failure if unwilling to teach "our sons how to respect a woman's opinions and choices, and accept rejection".
'Lessons to learn'
Police had not been made aware of Thijssen's stalking and controlling behaviour in the lead-up to James' death – but his friends had seen flashes.
These incidents, including location tracking of women, were opportunities to call him out but some of those behaviours have become normalised among young people, a domestic violence expert testified.
The coroner highlighted the need for widespread reform.
She recommended bolstering education and awareness programmes, particularly around the identification of coercive control and technology-facilitated abuse.
When James had previously tried to break up with Thijssen, he lashed out with degrading, derogatory, and manipulative language in a bid to control her.
He obsessively checked her location on social media platform Snapchat and shared an intimate image of James in a move experts say was calculated to assert dominance.
Information and advice services should be developed – particularly for young men aged between 19 and 24 – around respectful relationship behaviours, the coroner found.
"There are lessons to learn from these tragic circumstances," O'Sullivan said.
"More needs to be done through education and cultural change to challenge attitudes that drive this violence and to protect women's lives."
Thijssen took his own life hours after killing James.
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