Show up but stay out of the way: five ways to guide your child in sports

Being a good sports parent is a combination of showing up, getting involved and, crucially, getting out of the way. Soccer mum Lauren Marrion shares what she's learned and gets some tips from experts.

Whether it’s netball on a frosty Saturday morning, after-school swimming lessons, or club football on the weekend, sport plays a massive role in many Kiwi kids’ lives. It’s where they build confidence, learn teamwork, and start discovering what they’re capable of — not just physically, but emotionally too.

But behind every child pulling on a team shirt or packing their gear bag is a parent or caregiver making it all happen. From early wake-ups to sideline snacks, car rides to quiet pep talks after a tough game — we’re there. And sometimes, it’s hard to know how involved we should be.

That’s why I wanted to better understand the role we play — not just in getting our kids to the game, but in shaping their whole sporting experience. I spoke with coach Hyun Roh — a New Zealand Football U17 Performance Analyst, who works with Academy players at West Coast Rangers FC, about the ways parents can support their child — regardless of their age, level, or chosen sport.

Here are five ways you can help your child thrive in sport, whether they’re just starting out or chasing bigger goals.

There’s a fine line between being supportive and stepping into the coach’s shoes — especially when you can see what your child could’ve done better. But sometimes, too much well-meaning advice can backfire.

“A coach’s role is to help players improve, which sometimes involves giving critical feedback,” says Hyun Roh. “But coaches can’t manage every individual player’s emotions at all times. It’s important for parents to provide encouragement and emotional support without interfering in the coaching process.”

Your job isn’t to fix every mistake — it’s to remind your child why they love playing and that you're 100% there for them regardless of their performance. Be their safe space. Celebrate the effort, not just the outcome. And if you really do have feedback to share? Ask if they want to hear it first.

Whether it’s putting up your hand to help with carpooling, timekeeping, orange duty, or even just showing up consistently, being part of the team community matters more than you think.

“When parents step up to help, it improves communication and creates a stronger team environment,” says Roh. “Kids whose parents are involved tend to show up more, stay engaged, and take the sport more seriously — because it feels like a shared commitment.”

Even if you’re new to the sport, being present shows your child you value their effort. You don’t have to be an expert — you just have to care.

Dr Natasha Ilievska, a GP on Auckland's North Shore, whose 9-year-old son swims competitively, says being actively involved has made a real difference.

“I think the most important thing is to be genuinely enthusiastic and involved, because children tend to mirror your energy and emotions. Watch their races, celebrate the progress, and learn from their experiences with them — it helps them feel supported and keeps their love for the sport alive.”

Sometimes you’ll question a coaching decision. Why wasn’t your child subbed on more? Why didn’t they get the position they wanted? These are normal thoughts to have — but sharing them with your child can undermine trust in the coach and create confusion.

“If a coach says one thing and a parent says something different, it confuses the player,” says Roh. “It can damage their belief in the process and in the coach’s ability to guide them.”

If you’ve got concerns, raise them respectfully at the right time and through the right channels. But when it comes to your child, keep the message consistent: we’re all on the same team.

It’s easy to get caught up in scores, placings, and rep team selections — but those things don’t always tell the full story of what your child is learning. Some of the biggest wins aren’t visible on the scoreboard.

Think about the first time they bounced back from a loss without tears. The moment they passed the ball instead of going solo. The time they finally nailed a skill they’ve been working on for weeks. That’s progress.

Growth looks different for every child. Some peak early. Some take longer. But they’re all learning the same life skills — resilience, teamwork, patience — if we give them the space to grow.

Lesmè Lendis, whose 9-year-old son is passionate about kickboxing, knows the pressure of a results-focused sport.

“I’ve learned that a child’s motivation, enthusiasm, and ongoing interest in sport are strongly influenced — and often directly shaped — by their parents’ level of interest and involvement. Also, some kids just aren’t wired for physical or contact sports, and it’s important that parents don’t try to force it. That almost always backfires.”

Praise the effort. Celebrate the courage to keep trying. Let your child know they’re more than their results — and if they're just not suited to a particular sport, give them the option of choosing a different one.

Team culture doesn’t just come from the coach — it’s shaped by parents too. Whether we realise it or not, the way we behave on the sidelines, in group chats, or during tournament weekends sets the tone.

“Kids are often a reflection of their parents,” says Roh. “Teams with a strong, positive culture usually have good chemistry between families. Even if a team starts off a bit disconnected, it can improve if the parents involved are kind, respectful, and supportive.”

Be someone who welcomes new families. Cheer for everyone’s child, not just your own. Avoid sideline grumbling or gossip. When parents model good sportsmanship and community spirit, kids pick it up without us even realising.

Being a sports parent isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing up, listening, learning alongside your child, and letting them enjoy the ride. Whether they’re heading for elite squads or just finding their confidence, your belief in them is one of the biggest influences on whether they’ll keep showing up too.

So next time you’re pulling together a water bottle, mouthguard, and missing left sock five minutes before you need to leave—know that it’s all adding up to something meaningful. Not just a love of sport, but the kind of support that lasts well beyond the final whistle.

Lauren Marrion is a creative traffic and account manager, freelance writer and soccer mum based in Auckland.