Fear of vomiting was ruling my life – so I turned to hypnotherapy

It's called emetophobia and it's debilitating but can it be cured with hypnotherapy? 1news reporter and long-time emetophobic Emma Hildesley was determined to find out.

I was reading a book in the waiting room at the doctor's office when a child was sick right in front of me. I looked up, and locked eyes with the mother just as her second child also proceeded to be sick on the floor.

I flinched and waited for the tears, shaky breathing and tight knot of panic that for more than half my life has accompanied these kinds of events. But none of that happened.

I just continued on to my appointment feeling completely normal, apart from a sense of wonder at how easily I'd managed to kick a 15-year phobia to the curb.

Emetophobia is an anxiety disorder characterised by an intense fear of vomiting or seeing someone else vomit, from which I've suffered intensely and somewhat privately for most of my life. In most cases emetophobia stems from a single incident – and I recall mine as clearly as the beautiful blue Hawaiian waters that led to it.

In 2010 my family were on a whale-watching tour off the coast of Maui, along with approximately 200 other passengers. The ocean was unkind that day and we were anchored for at least two hours to wait out the weather, during which time there was a bit of a chain reaction and every passenger got sick apart from the four of us. I wish I were exaggerating, but it was truly like something out of a bad movie, a happy family scene slowly descending into ghoulish horror.

I sat between my parents, clasping their hands and burying my face into my dad's shoulder in a futile attempt to block out the sounds and smells of what was happening around me. The boat continued to roll recklessly, with no means of escape.

The strange part is that I wasn't fearful at the time. All I remember was wanting to get off the boat – same as everyone else. But at some point after that incident, my brain got its wires crossed, sparking a phobia that just compounded as I got older.

You may be thinking: "but nobody likes being sick, or seeing others be sick”. And of course, my rational mind understands that. But it goes much further than a mere dislike, and one of the most difficult and isolating parts of emetophobia is attempting to explain to others just how crippling it can be in day-to-day existence.

Whether I sensed that a person was about to throw up on a TV show or in real life – walking down the street, on the bus, in a pub – the thought would send me into a spiral that would usually end with inconsolable tears. And that’s before it happened.

That level of fear begins to rule your life and I knew I needed to make some kind of change. I’d heard of hypnotherapy curing other phobias and at that point I was willing to try just about anything.

In May I began working with holistic counsellor Charlene McIntosh who runs a business called Integrated Insights in Stanmore Bay, just north of Auckland. McIntosh specialises in guided hypnosis, or hypnotherapy. Clinical hypnosis is a state of deep relaxation that bypasses the conscious mind to help positive suggestions be made directly to the subconscious mind. The goal was to unlock the part of my brain that had formed a negative link with vomiting and try to rewire it.

My preconceived ideas about hypnotism mostly came from pop culture references to "mind control", which is why I was expecting McIntosh to own more than one crystal and possibly a dream catcher. However, I tried to stay open-minded because clearly if my rational brain knew how to solve this problem, it would have. That's why it's called an irrational fear.

McIntosh is used to the "woo-woo" misconceptions people hold about the practice. "Hypnotherapy itself is evidence-based," she says. "I have lots of clients coming in worried they're going to cluck like chickens... but hypnosis for entertainment purposes on stage is different to someone using hypnosis to apply therapy or therapeutic techniques."

McIntosh uses a range of techniques to guide clients into this trance, but says there’s no "one size fits all" as the process depends on the individual. "We all communicate differently and describe things differently. So, when I met you, clearly it was a significant phobia and there was also a lot of fear in there around letting that phobia go and what that process would be like."

"I think it was session three before I even mentioned the word vomiting with you in the chair. Whereas with somebody else, I might jump into that straight away on the first session because I've picked up in their language that they're more open to it."

McIntosh says she watches for "physical cues" including changes to breathing patterns or the colour of skin which indicate changes are happening to the brain wave state.

"Some people experience that straight off and go really deep and they kind of don't know what you're talking about. They're not even listening. Other people describe it as just sitting there, listening to every word and they don't really feel any different, but the brain is still making those subtle changes.

"It's not mind control. Sometimes people feel like they can't open their eyes or move their hands, but they can. It's just that they get so relaxed that many clients don't," she says.

For me, the feeling of being hypnotised was similar to the moment right before you drop off to sleep, when you're still awake and aware of your surroundings, but you've got one foot in dreamland. I cried a lot the first time, which McIntosh said was super normal (particularly as I'm an emotional gal outside of therapy anyway).

McIntosh says if you took two people with the same issue who both rated their discomfort as a "10 out of 10", the results of hypnotherapy would vary based on a number of lifestyle factors and their individual brains.

And she stresses that the treatment isn’t a panacea. "There's no quick fix. Hypnotherapy makes change, whether it be tangible change in the form of habits and behaviours, or letting go of fears, or change personally like inner growth, it makes it easier – but it doesn't do it for you."

Hypnotherapy isn't cheap, although it's no more expensive than any other type of therapy. I had a free 30-minute initial consultation, and then five hour-long proper hypnotherapy sessions; the first cost $180 and the subsequent four cost $160.

It's possible that in the future I'll book further sessions on an as-needed basis.

The answer to this is not as black-or-white as I'd envisioned. My irrational brain spent a long time in a semi-permanent state of fight or flight and old habits die hard. It's not as though I've had a complete personality transplant either. Put it this way, I won't be moving into a career as a medical professional anytime soon.

However, there’s been subtle shift toward feeling more rational and less confused by my emotions. And the fact that I no longer break into immediate tears in public spaces is enough for me to feel as though this process has been worth it.

During one of our sessions, McIntosh told me that fear was not a negative emotion, in fact it was a very necessary evolution to keep us alive and protect us. She said the same thing about being sick, that it was our bodies' way of helping us get toxins out.

It's an ironic metaphor, but perhaps I've mentally cleared out some of the patterns that were holding me back. And I’m allowing myself to relish all the things I couldn't enjoy before.

Things like walking around Auckland city on a beautiful Saturday morning without fearfully scanning the pavement for evidence of someone else's Friday night. Or lovingly holding my friends' newborn babies with the knowledge I could perhaps someday dare to get pregnant and have a child of my own. Or rewatching the 2012 hit movie Pitch Perfect and making it past the opening scene (if you know you know).

So yes, to that extent I think my emetophobia is "cured" . Because fear no longer gets to dictate my life choices or limit my happiness.

Hypnotherapy is an alternative treatment that may help some people with a range of phobias. Those experiencing emetophobia or other phobias are advised to first talk to a medical professional such as their GP. Support is also available on anxiety.org.nz and mentalhealth.org.nz.

Emma Hildesley is a digital reporter at 1news.co.nz.