For the first time since her teenage debut in 2008, Dame Sophie Pascoe, 31, won’t be in the pool at the Paralympics – instead she’ll be part of the TVNZ team presenting them. The 11-time gold medalist talks to Michelle Duff about mixed emotions, massive highs, dark lows and the new love that makes missing out on Paris more than a little OK.
Watch the Paris 2024 Paralympics live with TVNZ+, and on TVNZ1 each evening, from August 29-September 9.
I was 15 at my first Paralympic games. I went in as the unexpected and I came out as a success story. I look at that and think it’s a prime example of what can happen. In Beijing we had such a close team, and they became like my family. Through triumph and defeat, these people are surrounding you with hugs, with support, with love. You almost crave that.
I’m so excited that I can still be part of the team in some sort of way, and I hope I can do them proud. I was thinking I could come on and do a couple of interviews, but to get a presenter role for the whole duration of the games alongside Scotty [Stevenson] I was literally like ‘Oh my goodness, wow, okay.’ It’s live, but it’s not like 2 minutes 30, which is my longest race. It’s three hours, which is a bit daunting.
It’s completely outside of my comfort zone, but I know I’ll be able to bring some assets to the party with my experience. Obviously I’m going to understand my sport the most, but watching the Olympic games, with the likes of Sarah Cowley Ross doing the commentating, you have to know what you’re talking about. I’m doing research to make sure I’m well-oiled.
The biggest thing is the Paralympic athletes are still athletes. Every athlete there has an incredible story behind them. I don't want these athletes to be an inspiration for their disability. I want our Paralympic athletes to be an inspiration for who they are. I want them to gain the same recognition because they have worked just as hard, if not harder, than their Olympic peers.
When I was made a Dame in 2022 I got an email and I had to accept or decline it, so I went to discuss it with my nana and my husband, because it sort of felt like I was so young and I didn't deserve it, it was such a strong title. There are people out there who save people, and here I was, a swimmer. But then they reminded me of what I bring to Paralympic sport and how I've been able to help other people with disabilities feel seen within society, and it made me understand the impact I'd had on people's lives.
My accident and my disability have required me to have numerous and continuous surgeries throughout my life. It happened when I was two and a half. I was on a lifestyle block in Halswell, down the other end of the house with my father who was on a ride-on lawnmower. I was put in a pen, and the adventurous girl that I am I found my way out, and the accident happened. I lost my leg up to my knee on my left side, and I have severe scarring and loss of nerve damage on my right side. I don't remember anything of the accident, but I know my father and my family do.
I was brought up no different to my sister, Rebecca, who is nine years older than me. I was never held back by my parents, I could explore and be challenged in day-to-day activities. I have huge respect and high regards for my parents and sisters. I was never wrapped up in cotton wool. I was very adventurous and outgoing.
When it came to the school swimming sports and I beat my best friend at the time who had all of her limbs, it made me feel like I had a talent. I was seven at the time. That was the moment that led us into me trying disabled sports and swimming, and I've never looked back.
My disability is at the forefront of my mind now. I had to get new legs made throughout my pregnancy because I had a lot of pain and swelling, and now I've been recast for a new leg. Getting up so many times in the night with my baby I have to make sure my leg is on properly and it's safe, to make sure my baby is safe. It's an interesting circle of life, being an amputee. Growing up I never felt disabled as such but now I feel it more than ever, having and carrying a baby. I find strength every day to overcome that, and also to live my life.
I was competing last year, I had national champs and then world champs which was our qualifying for Paris. In the lead up to that I got pregnant, and I ended up with hyperemesis [gravidarum]. I kept on training, I kept on pushing my body through the hyperemesis and I just kept putting myself into the after hours doctor.
My health and my baby was worth more than going to a world championship. Every time I kept training my body wasn’t able to handle it. The second time I was at the after-hours I just went, ‘no.’ I rang my coach, and we both went ‘this isn’t right'. I decided to focus on having a healthy pregnancy and keeping my son healthy. I was really sick, I couldn’t stomach anything, it was really horrific. Coming out the other side, it was the best decision I’ve made.
It’s not like I planned to miss Paris, it just happened. I ended up having an emergency C-section and the recovery was longer than intended. And I also just felt really comfortable saying no, focusing on being right where I need to be, which is being a mum, and being here with my son. It was not an easy decision, because when you’re a female athlete you almost have to plan for these things.
Yes, that’s him you can hear in the background. He’s six months. This is my life now, I’m juggling away between mothering and working, and I’m about to go to the gym. I’m back training. He comes with me and he really enjoys it. It’s getting my fitness back to a level where I can start making decisions about competing, or ramping the training up — what do those next goals look like? I don’t want the comeback to be such a rush that I don’t enjoy the journey.
I thought swimming was hard. But motherhood is the hardest job in the world. My whole life was about routine, now it’s completely unpredictable. I’ve really struggled with that because I’d wake up in the morning and I’d have my own goals, but now his goals are my goals. You have someone who is so dependent on you and you have to show up every day. Swimming has taught me to persevere. If you didn’t want to get up for that training session, you still had to go.
When I went through my severe depression during Covid times I was really well supported, and I worked with a clinical psych and sports psych, and I had all the support around me as well as family and friends. I've been able to gain some tools that allow me now to know when I am going back into a darker place, I can pull those out. I have good self-awareness.
There have been some absolute tough times after becoming a mum. There’s that identity piece of ‘I’m a mum now, am I going to be an athlete again? And then what’s next?’ and while you’re questioning all that you’re still a mother, you can’t stop doing that. It’s a long journey back to what your body and mind was before. I’ve had some serious surgeries in my time, and the C-section recovery was painful. It makes you go through every emotion you can possibly go through, but it's worth every bit of it.
I’ve got 11 gold medals, I’ve got 19 medals all up. They’re currently in a reusable bag. We’ve also just moved house, but even before that they were just in a bag. It’s so bizarre, I know. For me, the moment was that two minutes on the podium listening to our national anthem. But the medals still come out. I take them to school visits or talks.
I absolutely get nervous before I race, and if I haven’t been nervous I haven’t been as successful as I’ve hoped. I channel the nerves. It’s an adrenaline rush that you get for a few moments you’ve worked for for four years. You’re nervous because it’s the fear of defeat, the fear of whether you’ve done everything you possibly can.
I'm very excited for my own swimming teammates, especially Cameron Leslie — this is his fourth Paralympic Games and he’s the flagbearer alongside Anna Grimaldi. There's some incredible debutantes going into this Paralympic Games as well. Sport is sport, anything can happen, and that’s the beauty of it.
Watch the Paris 2024 Paralympics live with TVNZ+, and on TVNZ1 each evening, from August 29-September 9.
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