After delivering the national anthem at the All Blacks-Fiji match in San Diego, singer Marla Kavanaugh has been unable to listen back to her performance after being sickened by online trolls.
She said she has been the subject of hate and death threats from Kiwis.
Speaking to Breakfast, Kavanaugh said she first received a "warm reception" last month from the crowd in the US.
However, soon after came a level of "ugly" online vitriol against her and her family, which has left her "traumatised", unable to listen to the performance or return home.
“I remember feeling just so proud to represent New Zealand in San Diego and I remember the beautiful warm reception of the international crowd.
"I was inundated at the stadium and at a post-match function afterwards, and it was a beautiful reconnection internationally with Kiwis and other people … I guess a little bit into the post-match reception I missed a lot of calls from my twin sister Maurica and time would tell she was trying to… get me safely out of the public venue so she could tell me herself."
Kavanaugh said the messages that followed have been "absolutely savage".
"I’ve tried not to look at it, but you know there are algorithms that pop up what you’re interested in, so I would pick up my phone and articles would pop up, so that was very upsetting.
"But the worst were the absolutely vile and vicious messages that came to me through all portals, using language I couldn’t use on morning TV … threatening me to not come back to New Zealand, telling me I was a disgrace to our country. It was very hurtful.
"The worst of it were the people who targeted my New Zealand-born cleft-affected daughter, and made fun of her. I never would have expected that from New Zealanders.
"Come for me if you don’t like my singing, fine — not my child."
Asked why the abuse has been so bad, Kavanaugh added she was still in the middle of the fallout and it was too "hard to piece out".
She said someone sent her the audio from the performance but she "can’t listen" to it.
"My husband who is a professional and who was actually there said it sounded nothing like the stadium [audio]. That it was a thin, stripped out version of my voice with no presence on it, that it sounded degraded, and tinny."
Kavanaugh added she hopes this is the reason people didn’t like her performance, but also said: "I understand some people weren’t expecting to hear a voice like mine, and that’s fine."
She said the experience has left her feeling "lonely", as even her family and friends didn’t know what to say. However, Kavanaugh said she has reached out to other women who have experienced hate online in recent times.
"I think it’s pretty obvious in the last three weeks I’m not the only public figure, a woman, who has been targeted. So I got in touch with one of those women, and had a brief, but supportive conversation.
"No one should have to go through what I have gone through for the last few weeks, for two minutes of me singing my heart out. Whether you liked it or not, it is dangerous.
"Words like this can be dangerous."
SHARE ME