The failed OE: When London doesn't live up to its Instagram promises

It's considered by many Kiwis to be a rite of passage — but the reality of "the big OE" can be grim and there's a sense of embarrassment about returning too soon. So what do you do if you get there and you're miserable? By Emma Hildesley

It's been over 20 years now but Clint Heine will never forget what it was like to go from living a life of slow relaxed days at the beach in Nelson to one of grey skies and intense crowds in London.

"I forgot all the TV programmes we watched back home where [London is] always raining and dark. I arrived at the end of October 2003 with a backpack, jandals and shorts in minus three degrees and was like 'oh my god, this is it. What have I done?'," he laughs.

Heine says the concept of living abroad seems to be embedded in the DNA of Kiwis and Aussies who have long felt "obliged" to get out and explore countries other than their own.

"For a lot of young people, they kind of think, 'well let's go do it, let's follow our friends,' and I wouldn't say it's peer pressure, but I guess in a way it's an expectation to go out and explore.

"If you don't know what you're coming into, especially [in] London, then you're going to be hit quite hard... There's this starry-eyed idea that you're going to turn up here, bump into a royal outside the palace one day on a double-decker bus and live this English lifestyle — but it's not quite true".

Brie Downey moved to London from New Zealand in August last year to "challenge herself with a new experience" and has been open about her struggle to settle into the unfamiliar country. "London's very glamorised and [so is] the idea of living here. Everyone makes it look quite easy, and it seems like a city for everyone but no one tells you quite how hard it can be and quite how hard it is," she told 1News.

The 24-year-old said she found the first few weeks "really difficult" to transition from a small coastal town north of Auckland to the "polar opposite" in London.

"It's dark, it's miserable, I've got like a shoebox-sized room so I was confined to that. I didn't see the sun for two weeks, not much going on. So yeah, it was really difficult."

At the point where Downey was doing little but "laying in bed all day" she decided to make some changes."I just was like, 'right I'm going to properly join the gym, try to go to more events and things' rather than just going to the pub".

She began to organise more activities with her flatmates and attend events like comedy shows to get out of her "isolated little bubble".

"I don't know what specifically it was, but I got to a turning point where I thought 'yeah this is going to get better, I've made it through the worst'," she says.

She said people can be put off from moving back home because of Kiwis' tall poppy syndrome and the stigma or embarrassment associated with feeling like a "failure". "Because if you do come home you somewhat feel like a failure, because you couldn't do it. But it's not that, it's actually a really hard city to live in and it's not for everybody.

"I'd feel ashamed if I went home really, because you'd just think of the judgement. People would be like 'oh she couldn't do it, London beat her!,' but anybody that lives here gets it."

Downey says New Zealanders considering moving abroad should "take a good, hard look to see if this is something you really want to do. It's expensive. And you've got to be prepared to potentially not have any income for three months while you look for a job and a flat."

Having now lived in London for over 20 years, Clint Heine established the Kiwis in London Facebook page for people to ask questions and build connections with like-minded adventurers.

"Because I literally knew nothing, I know how people feel when they say they feel helpless and alone because it's crazy. I mean you just kind of think 'this is not what I thought'," he says.

Heine recommends people give it at least six months to a year before they even begin to think about booking a one-way ticket home. "It does take a little bit of time to settle in, you know even for a city of 11 million people in the whole area it can be extremely difficult to make friends [and] it can be quite lonely".

"We used to have the two-year visas and now they're extended to three years which is great because it gives people a bit more of an opportunity to kind of acclimatise better."

He says experiences will differ depending on an individual's background. In his case, his student experience of surviving on few means in an Otago flat prepared him for life in London.

"I kind of knew how to live off very little, whereas if you haven't left home before and you kind of come at this fresh it's a bit different.

"You still need to do things for yourself, you can't call your folks straight away because you're going to wake them up," he says.

And if you get through that tough time, the OE might just finally yield those promised rewards. Europe's a mere train ride away and Heine, who has lived in London for more than 20 years now, says those who stick around long enough will find the city's distinct culture gives a lot. "Everything you could ever want".