One year on from her son Kane Te Tai being killed on the front lines in Ukraine, his mother Ngaire speaks in a rare interview about what she says was his final mission before he was due to return home. Breakfast presenter Anna Burns-Francis, producer Tom Day and camera operator Andrew Dalton travelled to her home in Ahipara.
Kane Te Tai was one of the most prominent New Zealanders who went to help Ukraine.
He would also be the third Kiwi to be killed on the front lines.
Kane Te Tai was killed on the front lines in Ukraine - his mother Ngaire spoke to Breakfast about why he went and her reflections of the last year. (Source: Breakfast)
And for his mother Ngaire Te Tai and her husband Keith, it's been over a year since they got to hug their son.
"I never thought I'd be happier in those times," Ngaire said as she reflected on the past year.
"But I think it's just coming to terms with just celebrating my son's life. And how he would have wanted me, our family to live."
Ngaire and her whānau have travelled to Auckland, where they will unveil his headstone at Waikumete Cemetery in Glen Eden this Saturday.
Why did Kane go to Ukraine?
A veteran of the New Zealand Defence Force, Kane had previously served for nearly a decade including in Afghanistan.
He would go on to co-found veterans group No Duff, a charitable trust that has provided support for over 600 current and former defence force personnel.
In 2022, Kane left his construction job to independently travel to Ukraine, telling TVNZ's Sunday that he would "help in any way he could".
"You just realise that when you know you're out in the jungle or out in the desert or out in the mountains, someone's always got your back, and you come out here and guys, it's just not same," he said.
But Kane was prepared to travel, against the advice of the government.
A clear "Do Not Travel" notice from Safe Travel New Zealand had been placed on Ukraine, classifying it at alert level four, the highest possible danger that the Ministry of Foreign Affairs can designate.
"There is a real risk to life. New Zealanders currently in Ukraine are advised to depart as soon as it is safe to do so," the Safe Travel website said, a notice that is still in place today.
And Kane was under no illusion about the fact he was entering a war zone.
"I'm hoping to come back, it will be great to see home again, but if not I've had a lot of good times, met a lot of great people and yeah I sort of accept that."
However after months at war in March 2023, he promised his mum he would go on one last mission before coming home from Vuhledar in Eastern Ukraine.
He never made it back.
What does his mother make of his mission one year on?
While she knew she couldn't stop him, Ngaire had always been conflicted about her son going to Ukraine.
It's a confliction that she told Breakfast that still plagues her every day.
"But I have to believe that my son went, when he chose to go to that level, to go to the front line, he was fighting against evil, and atrocities. And that's the way my belief system sort of changed there."
She acknowledged he was a free man, but questioned if she could have stopped him.
"What could I have done? Well, there's a lot of things that I could have done as a mother, but as a mother to an adult son. He had his mind made up."
And it wasn't just him going to Ukraine that left her in a moral dilemma.
"He's killed other people's sons, you know. More, there was another level of grief that I went through as grieving for those families that have lost their sons, it doesn't make sense to me."
Kane Te Tai also wrote in his open final letter "selfishly, I love this stuff," referring to himself joining the conflict.
But he said later in that letter that he didn't want to romanticise the idea of joining war, but to teach others what they were getting themselves into.
But that romanticising is exactly what Ngaire is worried about.
She believed more needs to be done to dissuade those servicemen and women from travelling to Ukraine.
"Absolutely stop them from going. And I say that at a different level, from a mother, a mother's perspective, stop them from going over there.
"But then when I hear the plight of other people that I've met, from Ukraine, and you know, you what they're telling you is something they're living, and how can I as a human being, say, you know, don't go."
How does Ngaire remember Kane now?
Dealing with the loss of Kane hasn't been easy for Ngaire.
Having the conversation with her, she said "just brings back all other sad memories".
But Ngaire is still determined to support those that supported Kane.
She's created a mini "bunker" at her home that has three beds, where those who have served with Kane can stay any time.
It is the space that would have been his own, a place of solitude.
As for this weekend's unveiling, Ngaire said she was "happy that my son will have a place where he's laying to rest. And the family will all be together again".
She hopes his legacy won't be defined by his final moments.
"It wasn't just what happened to him ultimately, in Ukraine, he did a lot of things over here in New Zealand that I want him to be remembered by.
"You know, he did a lot of things for his RSA or you know, the expense all his friends, his family.
"He did quite a few things that I'm proud to say. That makes me happy. That's where I go to my happy place when I think about my son."
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