I told my colleagues how I voted and now they think less of me

What do you do when sharing your political views at work changes the office dynamic? Read the advice of our resident sage Maddy Phillipps – and see the foot of the story for where to email your own problems for Maddy.

DEAR MADDY: I’ve been in my current work role for over a decade. I'm a manager and I’ve always got along well with my colleagues.

Recently, though, I've faced a situation that's left me feeling conflicted. I've always taken a keen interest in politics and in the recent election, I voted National – a decision based on my belief in their economic policies. Last week during a casual discussion before a meeting, I unintentionally let slip my political preference. The atmosphere changed instantly. Since that day, I've felt a distinct chill from some younger/more junior colleagues in my team. While I'm genuinely enthusiastic about the new government's potential, I can't share this without being met with disdainful remarks.

The workplace I loved, where I've spent countless hours mediating conflicts and fostering a collaborative environment, now feels hostile. I regret revealing my vote and wish I could take it back. I understand politics can be polarising, but I didn't expect such a vehement reaction in a professional setting.

How can I navigate this delicate situation? I'm looking for a way to restore a sense of normalcy and mutual respect at work. Warm regards, James

MADDY WRITES: First, James, I should confess my own political bias: apathy. Much to my mother’s chagrin, this election I didn’t vote at all. In my defence, though, my toddler developed a vicious gastro bug on Election Eve, so come Saturday afternoon any thoughts of exercising my civic duty were overridden by the desire to vegetate on the couch in front of Shrek amidst a lingering fug of yoghurt vomit.

Anyway, when it comes to politics at work, I’m conflicted. In theory I’m all for healthy political debate, as obviously it’s foundational to the democracy we live in, etc etc. I also think our society IS becoming increasingly polarised, and polarisation is only entrenched by fearful avoidance of discussions between, say, Te Pāti Māori and ACT voters. But in practice, the hours of political pontification and debate among colleagues I’ve endured over the years have taught me that political discussions at work are at best futile, and at worst damaging to collegial relationships.

If the listener shares the speaker’s views, they’re preaching to the converted, which makes both listener and speaker feel good and right and smart but is ultimately useless. If the listener has opposite views, they feel criticised and tend to argue or withdraw, making both listener and speaker feel divided and grumpy and defensive. This scenario is not merely useless but actively bad, and is quite likely to arise in the current political climate. Lots of hot-button issues (Co-governance! Gender- and sexuality-based education guidelines!) go directly to people’s core identities and beliefs, making debate on them particularly prone to causing real tension, upset, and relationship damage.

On balance, I think that’s just not a risk worth taking in the workplace, particularly if your work involves mediation. I can see two clear reasons why your younger/more junior team members might have responded more vehemently than expected to your comments. First, they could feel worried that they’ll be treated differently if they disagree with you, but also prevented from speaking to anyone else in your department if any problems do arise, because you're in a managerial position. Second, younger/lower-paid people tend to have different perspectives and priorities to management: for a grad on $60k sharing a dilapidated hovel with eight 20-somethings and several ant and swallow colonies, a six-figure-salaried manager espousing the benefits of National’s economic policies for landlords may be difficult. So, I do think regretting revealing your vote is a helpful reflection. That said, please don’t think I’m condemning your views, or your genuine excitement about the new government. In some ways, I even share it – I wouldn’t have voted NACT, but still exulted in spreading the news of OTC pseudoephedrine throughout the perpetually ill toddler parent community.

Anyway, as you rightly point out you can’t turn back the clock, so restoring normalcy and mutual respect going forward is 100 percent the go. Luckily, time will do a lot of the work for you. The coalition negotiations kept political stuff top-of-mind for ages, but now we have a government, and the holidays are approaching! Accordingly, most people – including your colleagues – will recalibrate their focus towards other personal/seasonal concerns, like wondering whether This-Will-Be-The-Year that they finally manage to act like functional adults around their parents and siblings at Christmas, rather than immediately regressing to their emotionally dysregulated six-year-old selves (Spoiler alert: it won’t, and it never will be. Sorry).

Happily, this means that by Christmas, your comments should have exited your team members’ minds stage left (or should that be right?), especially if someone else kindly distracted from your plight by disgracing themselves at the work Christmas function. And if any memories of your minor controversy linger on in your youthful colleagues’ hippocampi after Christmas, three days of camping and MDMA at Northern Bass for NYE should resolutely wipe them out, together with a lifetime’s worth of serotonin and dignity.

However! I think you also need to Do Something now to directly address the issue, and I’m afraid that Something is an apology to your team. This is emphatically NOT an apology for your views, to which you’re completely entitled. It’s a straightforward “sorry” for sharing these opinions with your team given your role, which you know made some team members feel uncomfortable, and which you genuinely regret. You should also explicitly acknowledge how your role might have heightened this discomfort, and offer empathetic reassurance that you, your department, and the company welcome diverse opinions and perspectives, do not judge or discriminate against anyone based on divergent views, and strive to create an inclusive and supportive workplace for everyone. Really this is just a reformulated version of what you’ve told me, so I’m confident it will come across as genuine.

Why apologise when Doing Nothing could solve the problem by itself? First, you’re in a leadership role, and explicitly owning your sh*t by acknowledging errors and any resultant negative effects on others is simply good leadership. Brushing things under the rug doesn’t engender respect, and often exacerbates hostility. Conversely, acknowledging a problem lets the team breathe a sigh of relief, because it validates their experience, brings things out into the open, and reassures them that this won’t happen again, action is being taken, and things are going to be OK. Second, apologising now provides prompt resolution, which maximises the chance that everyone (including you!) will forget about it over summer. I

James, best of luck, but I don’t think you need it. By first confronting this issue head-on, then sitting back and letting time work its magic, intra-office mutual respect and normalcy should be fully restored come 8 January 2024, when the 20-somethings return from the festival circuit complete with sunburn and thousand-yard stares. Happy holidays!

Maddy Phillipps is a barrister, freelance writer and clinical psychology student.

EMAIL your life problems to dearmaddy@tvnz.co.nz.