How to respectfully and legally dispose of a loved one's ashes

June 29, 2023

Funeral director Francis Tipene of Tipene Funerals answers some commonly asked questions about what you can do with ashes. (Source: Seven Sharp)

An incident at pop star Pink's concert, where someone threw their mother's ashes onstage, has raised questions about how we legally and respectfully care for our loved ones after they're gone.

Joining Seven Sharp this evening, New Zealand's favourite funeral director — Francis Tipene from Tipene Funerals —answered some commonly asked questions.

Here's his advice:

Do you need permission to spread ashes in public places like parks and beaches?

Tipene had a very simple answer to this question - "yes".

He said that most councils across the country have instructions online for the rules about spreading ashes in public places.

"You shouldn't really be scattering ashes in those places, waterways, parks — especially when families are around.

"But more so, there's a cultural aspect to it with regards to tapu."

Tipene said you are able to spread ashes on private property "as long as you have permission from the owners".

However, he said there were some issues with doing this.

"If you do sell the property or move on, the ashes will remain there."

But you are allowed to share ashes with different family members, which means everyone will have a part of their loved ones.

How long should you keep ashes in your home?

Ashes in urn file image.

Tipene said this is totally up to the family of the deceased, saying everyone treats ashes in different ways.

"Most people keep their ashes at home for a little while and then scatter them," he said.

"A lot of the time, ashes are kept at home on the mantelpiece because they're waiting for the other significant other or spice to pass away so that you could be joined together or potentially buried or scattered together."

Can you take ashes on a plane?

Tipene said you can take ashes on a plane and you don't need permission from the airline or Customs.

"You just have to have a special certificate from the local crematorium.

"That's called an export certificate and that's just for Customs clearance to go thorough."

Can you send ashes in the mail?

Tipene told Seven Sharp that while it is fine to send ashes in the mail: "I wouldn't suggest it."

He said that it may be cheaper, but "lots of things could go wrong. There are so many scenarios for disaster, and I wouldn't suggest it."

People should save up their money. "Wait until you're ready and deliver the ashes in person."

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