Mother’s Day in prison with my baby: I'm learning and I'm growing

Today is Mary’s first Mother’s Day in prison with her 11-month-old son.

She’s one of thousands of mothers who have raised their babies behind bars in the past 20 years - a move advocates say is cutting women prisoners’ reoffending rates.

“My son was four-months-old when I had been sentenced but there was like a whole process so it was a bit of a while until he actually got here to be with me,” Mary* says.

“His first day here, it was really emotional. I was so emotional and I think it was different for him too because he was wondering ‘Where am I?’

“He slept right through the first night. I put him in his cot but I just couldn’t stop staring at him because I just thought, ‘oh my gosh, I’ve got my baby here with me’.”

Mary was sentenced last year for a range of convictions including aggravated robbery, theft, and assault.

She was able to apply, under strict criteria, to be able to raise her baby in Auckland Women’s Prison and live in the Mothers with Babies unit.

New Zealand has allowed babies up to six-months-old to live with their mothers in prison since 2002. Then, after special Mothers with Babies units were built across the three women’s prisons in 2011, children were allowed to stay until the age of two.

Groups such as Pillars Ka Pou Whakahou say the policy allows strong relationships between children and parents who are in prison to be maintained, leading to reduced reoffending rates and cutting intergenerational incarceration.

To be eligible to live in these special areas with their babies, a prisoner must be the most likely primary caregiver after they’re released and have no convictions for violent or sexual offending against children.

They have to undertake mental health and substance abuse screening. They’re offered programmes to help them upskill and rehabilitate and are responsible for the daily maintenance of the unit including food shopping, cooking, budgeting and providing for their baby’s needs.

Mary says staying in the unit has helped her grow as a mother and has allowed her to witness some of her son’s key milestones.

“His teething, his crawling and now with him walking. If it wasn’t for the Mothers with Babies unit I wouldn’t have seen all of that.

“I can’t speak highly enough of the unit and also the social workers who have helped me.”

Mary’s time spent inside with her baby has also given her time to reflect. She says she regrets some of the actions of her past and is now trying to stay positive for her future.

“Being in here, there’s like a stillness. You see the airplanes flying over and kind of remember ‘oh yeah, the world’s still moving out there’.”

“My upbringing wasn't the best, you know. I was rebelling and I had my struggles with growing up. And I made some not very wise decisions. I wasn't in the best place,” Mary says.

“Now I'm on the flipside of things. I'm learning and I'm growing.”

While most would think a prison is no place for a child, staff at the Auckland Women’s Corrections facility say the babies who live there are “treated like guests”.

“They’re innocent,” Prison Director Tayla Yandall tells 1News.

“We try and make sure that we are providing them any opportunity that other babies outside the prison have. So whilst they are in here as a child, they are not penalised for being here. They are not disadvantaged.

“And they are not prisoners.”

Yandall says the babies in prison have the freedom to leave for visits outside. Some are picked up by their fathers or family members for weekend outings and staff also help out by taking the babies for visits.

The babies participate in playgroups like Mainly Music run by volunteers from the Mainly Music NZ Trust and some attend daycare outside the prison.

Though she is spending Mother’s Day in prison with her baby this year, Mary is separated from her older son who is being cared for by family members.

Like her, the majority of women inside our prisoners are still the primary caregivers for their families.

“We have a lot of mothers, we have a lot of sisters, aunties, a lot of them still hold quite a dominant role in their whānau whilst they are in our care so it is really important to us to maintain those connections even though they are in our care,” Yandall says.

“Our women are complex but they’re just like anyone else, they’re normal. They’re like my sisters, my aunties - and they’re very relatable.”

Data from Corrections found seventy-five percent of women prisoners have experienced family violence, sexual assault and/or rape.

Three-quarters were also diagnosed with a mental health condition within the past year.

Sixty-six percent of our women prisoners are Māori.

Yandall agrees the statistics are confronting. She says there are social workers, counsellors on site and programmes run inside the prison designed to help recognise the different experiences and impacts of trauma.

“I can’t speak to their experiences but each of our wāhine have their own circumstances,” she says.

“For me, it’s just really acknowledging the level of resilience they have. For them to still function and be a pivotal part of their whānau and actually still be able to contribute to their whānau.

“They're still wanting to engage in education, engage in programmes and many of them are in here doing everything they can to make sure they can provide for their whānau when they do get released.”

In a year from now, Mary's baby will have to leave the prison unit. If she serves her full sentence, he’ll be seven-years-old and her elder son will be nine by the time she gets out in 2029.

“I'm not trying to count down the days but it is something that I've had to prepare myself for, trying to put things in place so when he eventually does leave, in the back of my mind I've done the best I could to set him up to succeed out there,” Mary says.

“It is hard to think about but I’m just trying to stay positive.”

The goodbyes are hard for many inside the prison, says Yandall.

“Not just for myself but also my staff who actually work inside that area, you do become quite attached.

“It’s so nice to see some of them grow and get more confident. It definitely is a highlight, I think, for me sometimes is seeing how much the babies here have developed over time.

“It's not always possible, timing-wise with regards to sentences that Mum can leave with baby but where it is possible, we do try and facilitate that.”

Yandall says if Mary can put in the work needed, she could be before a parole board with the chance of leaving much sooner.

Mary says she wants to turn her life around.

“I just want to be stable and be reliable. And to provide for them in a good way, the right way. Yeah, I just want to be that person for my sons,” she says.

“I want them to grow into young strong men and just have good values, respect women, respect your elders, love people, you know. Be kind.”

She says if she could change one thing about her past it would be “just to actually stop and think. Everything has a consequence.”

When Mary’s son leaves the prison unit next year he will join the roughly 17,000 children in Aotearoa with parents in prison.

“We know from our research that children whose parents are in prison are around 9 to 9-and-a-half times more likely to one day become incarcerated themselves,” says Corrina Thompson, senior mentoring coordinator at advocacy group Pillars.

However, we don't see our children as New Zealand's future prisoners, we don't see our children as New Zealand's future statistics. We see them as New Zealand's future leaders.”

Thompson is among those supporting a group of youth advocates, who grew up with parents in prison, who are calling on the Government to urgently put care-plans in place for kids with parents behind bars.

“Currently there is no such legislation that safeguards young people or whānau when a parent is sent to prison or a community sentence,” Thompson says.

“We would love to see young people and families co-design these care plans that get put in place for long term outcomes.”

Thompson has spent the last nine months collating data from case files Pillars has worked with over the years. She says the evidence is clear.

“It would absolutely reduce re-offending. It would also reduce trauma and reduce societal harm.

“All Kiwis want a safe and effective justice system. All Kiwis want a safe and happy society. The way that we do that is by following the evidence. And the evidence consistently tells us to place wellbeing, strengthening families and strengthening communities at the centre of the justice system.

“We know from global research and from local research, it’s consistent that when families are able to maintain those strong relationships it reduces reoffending, it reduces reincarceration, it also reduces intergenerational incarceration.”

The data also shows the majority of mothers who raise their babies in prison inside the Mothers with Babies units don't re-offend.

Strengthening relationships with their kids motivates change.

Yandall isn’t worried about the policy normalising prison for children either. “No, from my perspective it’s about maintaining your relationship and making sure that we are not subjecting the baby or the mother to unnecessary trauma around that,” she said.

“We recognise that it is so crucial to have that strict criteria around who can bring their baby in and it is important to help support maintaining that relationship where possible.”

The women here are not forgotten on Mother’s Day. This year cake will be provided for each wing of the prison along with cards for the women to send to their children and loved ones.

They will also receive gift packs donated through their chaplaincy service by various community groups.

Mary says she will spend this Mother’s Day having quality time with her son.

She says having him with her has made her hopeful their future and she's determined to break the cycle for her sons

“It's made me realise that it's a start to something new. My life I have with my children now it's a whole different beginning. Life's not really over for us. It's only just starting.

“There's so much things that we're going to do together. So much things for us to see.”

* Mary is not her real name. 1News has agreed not to identify the mother or her baby.

Q+A is Public Interest Journalism funded through NZ on Air.