As the reality of her "worst nightmare" started to sink in, Aimee Fisher couldn’t hold back a flood of tears.
She’d just succumbed to the canoe racing force and phenomenon that is Dame Lisa Carrington in two-straight races, with Carrington earning the K1 500 seat at this year's World Championships.
After long, loving embraces with friends and family, Fisher spent time composing herself. But even about an hour after getting off the water, it was all too real.
“I think yesterday (in the first race) I went off script, I didn’t go to my race plan,” Fisher told 1News through tears.
"I didn’t play to my strengths. I was so nervous beforehand, I cried so many times and wanted to run away. But I still fronted and didn’t manage to stay in my lane and I paid the price and blew to bits and failed epically, which in a way that race is your worst nightmare, failing like that in a best of three."
This is the Aimee Fisher who, for the best part of four years has led her own programme, often coaching herself having walked away from the elite high performance set up in 2019 after disagreements with Canoe Racing New Zealand.
The 2021 K1 500 world champion had pushed Carrington in the same best-of-three series last year, winning the national title in race one, before being pipped in the remaining two.
“I think yesterday I was pretty overwhelmed by the intensity of this thing,” Fisher explained. "Because it is white hot pressure and it’s been white hot pressure for a long time, building into it and, in a way, it got the better of me.
"I think it was a powerful moment to get knocked down and to realise that hey it’s not the end of the world, I don’t need to be afraid of this thing. I went out there today nervous, because it’s still important but I wasn’t afraid."
But despite having this nightmare of a weekend, Fisher will this week fly out with the national squad to compete in the first World Cup of the season in Hungary next month. It signals a simmering of tensions between her and the national organisation, after reaching out last year to try to reach common ground and re-enter the high performance set-up.
“We’re in the middle of a mediation process, which is going well and on Thursday I’m meant to be travelling to the World Cups with Canoe Racing New Zealand and that’s the first time I’ll be entering into that space since the 2019 World Champs, so it’s been a few years and it’s confronting to step back into that, but it's time to be brave it seems."
CRNZ General Manager of Performance Nathan Luce wouldn’t delve into detail of the mediation, but agrees there has been progress.
“We have been engaged in some good dialogue between Aimee and the sport and myself and the staff and it takes time but I think we’re on a good path and we’d love to have Aimee join us,” he said.
"We understand there’s a bit of work to do. At the same time there’s some optimism and goodwill on both sides to get to a better place over the next 16 months leading into the Olympics.”
At this stage it’s unclear what events Fisher will compete in in Hungary, although it seems the K1 500 is the most likely. While International Canoe Racing Federation rules state only one paddler from each country can compete at World Championships in each event, two can be on the start line in World Cups.
"It’s quite nerve-wracking. I guess I’m a bit of an outsider and [it’s] time to step back into the fold in a way," Fisher said looking forward to the next month.
Through it all, Fisher said her respect for Carrington has only heightened further.
“I think maybe one of the biggest things that made such an impact on [me] going to Hungary, I feel like Lisa and I have had some real special moments out there on the water, in passing. 'I'm not your enemy, I’m not here to crush you, it's ok, I see you.' - [I wasn’t] saying that but that’s the feeling. It’s two gladiators going at it.
“There’s a deep respect for each other, she’s phenomenal, she’s a phenomenal athlete and a person.”
A fierce battle between top class paddlers, with a first step towards possibly, one day, teaming up as a duo as the Paris Olympics loom.
SHARE ME