Former Seven Sharp host Toni Street is known for her bubbly personality, a warmth which may have viewers believe her life has been easy.
In some ways, it has, but it’s also been pitted with crushing grief and extraordinary challenges, including a life-threatening illness, surrogacy and the loss of three precious siblings.
The 38-year-old broadcaster was born and raised on a dairy farm in Taranaki with “very involved parents”, she said.
“If my dad wasn’t at the milking shed he was coaching the cricket team or the rugby team. I had a stay-at-home mum who was there cooking, baking. It was a classic farming upbringing.
“They were the sort of parents that encouraged you to be the best you could be at everything and as long as we gave it your all, they were completely proud of us.”
Toni’s family were dealt a devastating blow following the death of her younger brother Stephen when she was 18.
Stephen died at 14 when the quad bike he was riding rolled.
“Even now, when I think back to our childhood, I find it really hard because every good memory was with him,” she said.
“I remember the days after, you know, just the sense of ‘what do we do now? What do we do with ourselves?’
“I remember being in the car, it’s the middle of summer and everyone’s at the beach and having fun.
“You feel like screaming to them, ‘our world’s just ended and we’ll never have a nice summer again.’ You just think nothing’s going to be good again.”
From that point on, Toni vowed to make the lives of her parents easier “in any way” she could.
“I decided I will be their joy and their light and hopefully, that can make up in some way for the kids they’ve lost.”
It’s a vow that has defined her over the decades since, splitting her life into before and after.
While the loss of Stephen was a defining moment in her life, her parents had already been down this path twice before.
“It was really cruel, you know? And I know mum at times in the past has gone, we’re just cursed, this family in some of her low moments. I can see why she felt that way.”
The first loss was Toni’s twin brother Lance, who died of Leukemia at just 18 months old.
It was followed a year later by her baby sister, Tracey, when it was discovered she had been born without kidneys two days after she was welcomed into the world.
While the loss of her three siblings is often referred to in articles, it’s often fleeting - a footnote.
“I think my Mum has perhaps struggled with that a bit over the years. And with me being a public figure it will be mentioned in passing, you know, a line, ‘Toni had three siblings die’.
“For a mother who has lost three children all independently, all real, full human lives, that’s quite hard to see as just one line. But what’s the alternative, you know? The alternative is to write a full dissertation about this tragedy and you know, you can’t do that.”
Now, she has written a new book, Lost and Found, telling her whole story, including the guilt she’s carried at being one of two surviving children.
“I never wanted to be the child for mum and dad when they’ve already lost three, that was a screw up and was putting more pressure on them.”
So it was a bitter blow when she became seriously ill.
“I was on the brink of organ failure and they didn’t know why, and they didn’t know how bad I was going to get or whether I was going to recover,” she said.
She has since been diagnosed with Churg-Strauss syndrome, which causes inflammation of the blood vessels.
The medication she was on to manage the disorder resulted in manic episodes and other side effects - a struggle which she kept hidden behind closed doors.
The illness also ended her dream of another pregnancy with husband Matt France. Her best friend, Sophie Braggins, stepped in as a surrogate for their third child.
Lachie, who recently turned three, has brought healing to their family - in more ways than one.
“It’s remarkable, really. If you look at photos of Stephen and Lockie side by side, they’ve got the same olive skin, the same big, brown eyes. The same hair,” she said.
“I feel like he’s a real gift for our family as a whole, you know? The fact that the brother I lost is so much like him - that can’t be an accident. That’s how I feel.”
Despite all the difficulties, she says wallowing in grief “was never an option for me - never”.
“Because that would’ve hurt my parents more and why would I want to do that?”
But she admitted that her vow to her parents came at a loss, saying, “I don't think I process my own grief very well at all”.
“I probably did park my own grief, but I think it’s also the way I’m inclined as well.”
Toni says her book is a way of looking forward.
“I feel like it’s a really freeing type of thing to have all of your story, all of the trauma out there.”
She says her “greatest happiness” in life is spending time with her family.
“I don’t think there’s anything better than having a tight knit, close family - people you can rely on and count on. And I just… My children are my absolute joy.
“I can’t wait to carry on my life just making their lives happy and being part of it.”
Lost and Found will be released on September 28.
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