It's been almost a year since Abdelfattah Qasem (Abdul) was shot and killed during the Christchurch terror attacks. For his widow, Siham Alsalfiti, the grief is still fresh.
"I was numb last year, I couldn't comprehend what happened or why it happened," she told Breakfast co-host John Campbell this morning.
"It was a very difficult year, I didn't know myself, I felt I am a different person."
Abdul was one of the 51 people who died when a gunman attacked the Al Noor and Linwood mosques on March 15, 2019, during Friday prayers.
During the weekend, commemorations and services will be held on the anniversary to remember the victims.
Friday is the sacred day of worship in the Quran. Today, there will be prayers once again.
Farid Ahmed survived the Chrischurch mosque attacks which killed his wife Husna and 50 others. (Source: Other)
"We're just learning how to cope or how to try to live normally with a cloud on top of your head," Siham says.
"Although he's an honour to us, I'm trying to learn how to live normally with a scar on my face.
"It was very difficult and on top of that, I'm so lonely. I miss him so much."
Her daughter, Sara Qasem, says there's no handbook for losing a loved one in the way they did.
"For us life had to start again, we had to start learning how to live again, which is just something we didn't expect we'd ever have to do," she told Campbell.
Siham is grateful for the support they've received from Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and people across New Zealand after the attack.
Sara, a high school teacher, says her students are a "poignant reminder" of the love in the world.
"Yesterday some had pitched in to get me a lovely wee stuffed animal," she says.
"It's a nice reminder of their emotional intelligence and some wholesome, kind humans. It doesn't take a lot to be a kind human, it doesn't take a lot at all.
"If kids can do it, there's no excuse."
'A LONG JOURNEY' - SURVIVOR SHOT NINE TIMES STILL RECOVERING ONE YEAR ON
Temel Atacocugu was shot nine times in the attack and spoke to John Campbell on Breakfast. (Source: Other)
In the same attack that took Abdul Qasem's life, Temel Atacocugu was shot nine times.
He survived.
Physically and mentally, it's a long, slow journey to recovery - and it's not over yet, he says.
"I try to smile. It is difficult to be smiling, but we are smiling outside but technically inside is still stormy and challenging," he told Campbell.
Temel Atacocugu says despite the horror, he can't be angry forever. (Source: Other)
"[I'm] nervous, worrying, [but] just thankful that we are survivors, given another chance to carry on life and explain our experience to people.
"Sometimes it is too difficult to be Muslim."
Temel has publicly spoken about the ordeal many times over in the last year, especially in the lead-up to the anniversary.
Being in Christchurch is still difficult for him.
Last year, he went to Turkey to visit his family and friends who still live there; his mother, father, brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews.
He wants to go back some time.
"It felt amazing over there… it's helped me lots for my rehabilitation, especially mentally," Temel says.
"I'm looking forward to going again. It's stressful, life in Christchurch."
But until then, ahead of the one-year anniversary, he's embracing the support and community.
"We will be alright. We will be… kia kaha, stay strong."
The Remembrance Service will be broadcast live on TVNZ 1 and 1NEWS.co.nz from 3pm on Sunday.
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