Christchurch terrorist attack survivor Temel Atacocugu says life hasn't been the same in the months since he was shot nine times inside Al Noor mosque.
But his pilgrimage to Mecca, beginning tomorrow and paid for by the king of Saudi Arabia, is helping him on his long road to recovery, he told TVNZ1's Breakfast today.
"I'm not upset but heartbroken this has happened in New Zealand,” he said, explaining that the attack shook his confidence that New Zealand is a very safe country. But, he added, "I'm a Kiwi" and he looks forward to returning after Mecca.
"I have family in my home country, Turkey, but my kids [are] here, my job [is] here and I have a lot of friends around here, too, and I love New Zealand," he explained. "I have lots of New Zealand friends, too, so this is [an] amazing feeling after I complete my pilgrimage [to] fly back home.
"New Zealand is my home, too – same as you."
Last night, the first group of survivors and bereaved from the March 15 attack began their travel to Mecca, the holiest city in Islam. The king of Saudi Arabia has covered travel expenses for 180 people who were either there at the mosques or who lost a loved one in the attacks.
Mr Atacocugu's recovery so far has been “really difficult”, he said, adding that it “just take[s] time” for him to “come back again to the life”.
“It is [a] very, very different feeling," he explained. "I can’t tell you exactly what I feel, but it is [a] very different experience for me.”
The challenges have been both physical and mental as he struggles to make sense of the "bad situation", he said.
The pilgrimage will be his first. But he often prayed for the opportunity, he said.
"I think I deserve it, yes," he said, "after [being shot] nine times."
Mr Atacocugu said, however, that he's not upset about what happened to him, because everything happens for a reason.
"In Muslim belief, this [has] come from Allah and this is our calling," he said.
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